Friday, July 31, 2009

no way to fix you

This is the best way I have to describe the past few days. My hands are tied behind my back. The most frustrating part of this job is that I have little to no power to change the imediate situation of the teens I work with. To see a teen crying and to not have anyway to make them better, to "fix" them is exhausting.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A Day In the Life

I sat in my car in a girl's driveway staring at my phone faced with an impossible decision. Do I let the girl in my car and take her to lunch to talk about her friend who tried to kill himself yesterday, or do i yell out "Another time!" and rush to see my friend who just told me that one of her good friends just got killed by a 15 year old boy who stole a car and hit him while he was jogging? Both of these friends are numb in grief. Which one do I go help? As I sat there contemplating this, while the shock of the new news was sinking in, I received a message from my Dad, letting me know that my Grandpa had been taken to the hospital.

I hate Mondays.

here was my day yesterday:
8:30- get up and go to the church office, work on administration stuff
11:30- go to pick up teenager (K) who is falling apart at the seems because her friend tried to kill himself
12:05- get phone call from friend (S) saying her good friend was killed
12:06- cancel plans for this afternoon to go out for coffee with teen girls (A &K), so i can go and see S, take K to lunch
1:19- Dad phones and tells me grandpa is going to the hospital
2- take K back home
2:30- meet S at Tim hortons with an ice cap and a hug.
3- get a call from Dad saying Grandpa is going to be ok
4- go pick up teen girl (L) and make dinner together
7- drop off L, go to church for Youth Bible Study "Carmen's Questions"
9- go home
930- make cookies with husband
10- eat cookies and debrief a very very long day
11- lay in bed and stress about fundraising

For those of you who dont know the only way i can do this work is by the generosity of the body of Christ. Everything i do is by the donations of my supporters. I have posted a link on this blog for those of you who would like to donate. The plan for this summer was to spend 100% of my time fundraising, but its almost August and I havnt done anything yet simply because I am too busy doing the work. I dont have time to ask people to support me. So if you are reading this and feel your heart strings being pulled, please follow that leading.

Monday, July 27, 2009

text messages

this is the text message conversation i had last night, please pray hard

10:57 pm "Can you talk? Its important."
10:57 "Hey hon! Sorry i didnt get ur message till now. I was on the island, whats up?"
11:58 " My best friend tried to kill himslef"
10:58 "oh"
11:59 "What does oh mean?"
11:59 "It means there is nothing I can say to a thing like that. HOw are you handeling this?"
12:01 am "Not well. Im numb. im having a mental breakdown without the tears. im giving up on even trying anymore"
12:03 "Are you talking to Jesus?"
12:06 "I'm talking to Derian. Hello there tears."
12:08 "Oh i lov eyou. I am here with corey preaying fervantly for you. Jesus has a river of soothing calming peace i am asking him to put you in."
12:11 "I give up. i'm just done trying. im at rock bottom. i dont even care anymore. stupid life."
12:09 "I hope you dont mind me praying for you."
12:13 "Not at all."
12:14 "Good cuz i am here to fight for you, to try for you. whe you are a rock sunk to the bottom of the sea, i will swim up to the surface for you. In mark chapter 2 there is a story of a man who is paralized and his friends bring him to jesus cuz he couldnt get there alone."
12:15 "Thanks."
12:31: "Ill call you in the morning and we can go for lunch."

i am about to walk out the door for this lunch... please pray

Friday, July 24, 2009

My Prayer Letter

Carmen and Corey here! Yes we are back from our honeymoon and have hit the ground running!

We came back from our little paradise, having swam with turtles, gone parasailing, surfing and kayaking lazily down a river, and were not in the mindset to expect what we saw when we got home. We were totally unaware of the fact that the world had fallen apart while we were away. We have had many kids meet Jesus over the past 8 months, and each one of their lives has taken a downward spiral (alcoholic parents, divorces, and terminal illnesses.) in the span of two weeks. So we called an emergency prayer meeting. We had no idea how this would turn out, because most of the kids were no longer on speaking terms with the King of Kings. The people who walked by our little circle would have had no idea it was a prayer meeting. It looked like an eerily quiet group of people sitting in a circle with a bunch of random objects in the middle. Everyone took turns throwing in the middle an object. A dirty broken shoe, to represent the need for a new life, because this one was too messy; a water bottle, throw in frustration with all the garbage in her life that she didn’t want anymore. These are very broken kids. I ask for your prayers.

That night I stood outside in the cold for an hour. (I counted 22 mosquito bites afterwards.) Talking with a parent of one of the teenaged girls I work with. This mom was crying as she told me about how she is divorcing her husband and taking all the kids but this one girl I know, and they are moving to Alberta. She stood there, in her pajamas as she begged me to take care of her baby when she left. “The only reason why I even considered leaving her here with her Dad is because I know that you are here, and I can trust you to take care of her.” Wow, no pressure.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Blood Stained Clothe

The blood stained piece of red clothe fell to the tailed Starbucks floor when i moved his bible from my chair. "What's that?" I asked as he hid it away quickly. "Um...that's what I wanted to talk to you about."
We filled the next hour with talk about life and the pains and joys it holds. He revealed to me the scars on his arms from the self inflicted cuts. Some he remembered what they were for, and some he did not.
I walked out of that Starbucks with the piece of clothe that was still holding inside of it the razor blade that had cut his flesh many times, and the dried blood, the memories of the pain. He doesn't want to cut anymore. He knows there is a better way.
On the way home I was crying out to God for him and God gave me an image in my head. This boy was in Starbucks, swirling that red clothe in a little white container filled with stinky bleach. The bleach turned the clothe and the blood white.
"One day you will give him that object of pain back to him, as a trophy."

Please pray for the long jouney ahead for this 16 year old, and for me for wisdom.