Saturday, January 15, 2011

the passion

It's excitement, dedication, devotion, ardor, and fervour. It's Spirit, zeal and fire. It's what drives me. Where did it come from? It was planted inside of me and grew. The seed was deposited one night in 2006 when I met a young girl who confided in me. She told me about her suicide attempts and her inner pain. God planted a seed of compassion and anger at injustice in my heart so deep that my heart broke. As my heart healed that passion for justice and compassion, the desire to see the lost ones saved, to help the orphans and destitute, to see hope given to the hopeless became apart of me.
My dream is too big, and I am too small to do this on my own. I would be swallowed up, overwhelmed and overcome by the hopelessness of it all. God is the one who planted this dream in my heart, and he is the one who helps me to do it. The image that comes to mind is of Lucy from the Chronicles of Narnia. There is a scene in the movie Prince Caspian when little Lucy is at one end of a bridge and an army on the other end. She holds out her little dagger and stands her ground against hundreds of men in armour. The army turns back. Why? Aslan, the great Lion, the creator of Narnia is standing behind her.
That's how I feel everyday. I stand my ground, I hold out the miniature skills and wisdom that I have, and I have seen armies tremble.
My God is great, "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." -The bible (Philippians 4:13)

Monday, January 3, 2011

and so it continues...

2010 was a year of highs and lows like any other year. The lows mostly looked like moments of silence while sitting on a beach, in a coffee shop, or in my living room during a heavy moment of unspeakable sorrow. These teens that I love come to me and share their hurt and pain, and I feel it with them. I feel it to the depths of my soul. I hate slushies now. One evening I sat drinking a "recovery slushie" with a teen who had faced unspeakable pain and somehow was still alive. That was a low. Another low was hearing the words "where do I belong?" come from the mouth of a teen with immense amounts of emotion and hidden pain behind them. It took two Starbucks napkins to soak up her tears. Another low was saying goodbye to a precious teen who was suddenly moving across the country.
There were high points too though. I sat in Starbucks across from a teen I have walked with closely with this past year. I said "Ok, So February 6th we will baptize you in the river." Her eyes welled up with tears and she fanned her flushed face as the tears began to drop quickly down her cheeks. She smiled at me and said "These are happy tears, I feel like I just set the date for me wedding." I smiled so big that I've been smiling ever since. I smiled like that at a fundraiser when one teenager sang a song beautifully and I watched as her mom watched her daughter sing and was proud. That was a sacred moment. I have so enjoyed having a front row seat to one teen's life as she has been discovering herself and life and been cautiously and timidly letting God into her life.
Those conversations, those moments light up my heart with so much joy I'm afraid I will explode over some poor random Starbucks barista who made the unfortunate mistake to ask me how my day is going.
That was 2010, and 2011 will be a continuation. We are only on day three and already I've experienced high's a lows!