jesus please help me

"what if I cant hear Him?"

I turn to face back up the hill, cold air burning in my lungs as I pant because I have not yet recovered from our hike. I face this girl and the look of vulnerability and child likeness on her face takes my words away.
It had been quite a morning. We just spent the past 3 hours in prayer, during which time she only managed to squeak out four words.

"Jesus please help me."

She had been stuck. Spiritually stuck. Imposable to get words out. But at the end, she had run into Jesus's arms and asked for his help. So I then hiked up with her to the top of a hill with a great view so she could be alone and listen to what Jesus's response to her would be.
"He has promised you that when you call, He will answer. And You will hear him honey, you will."

what to say?

what do you say when you are invited to a birthday party happening at starbucks, and you find out that this girl is throwing it for herself because her mom is too tired from her trip to mexico she took all her other kids on, to throw the one that was left behind a birthday party?

what do you say to the kid that wants money for food at lunch time, everyday, for the past 6 years?

what do you say to the girl who just found out about her boyfriends sexual past and is crushed?

what do you say to the supporter on the phone who asks how the ministry is going?

what do you say to the kids who make up stupid drama for attention?

what do you say to the healthy kids who have good parents when they get in a fight with them?

what do you say to the girl who's friend is now working as an escort?

There is hope.

and we laughed

Over a cozy london fog in the warmth of a coffee shop, escaping from the rain pouring outside, we sat together and laughed.

Laughter has been missing from the the lives of the teens i know. The laughter that is there is usually sarcastic or shallow. Teens are stressed. Teens are striving. Teens are pressured. Teens are hurting.

I want to see them laugh.

The last time I got together with this one teen I told her I was concerned about her because she is so past burn out stage i'm afraid she wont make it to 25 because the stress is starting to effect her health. So this time instead of a stern talking to, we simply talked and laughed and theorized about life and people. We both left feeling full and encouraged instead of drained. And I didn't even ask her how she was that day.
God would you give peace and joy to these teens. May they find true joy.

God doesnt use a hammer to screw in screws

This week I had lunch with a teen and they told me about what God has been speaking to them lately. (Her born again first birthday is coming up in a few months!)She told me "God said, I dont use a hammer to screw in screws. What you want to go out and do is not your job, i have something else for you." The truth of that resonated with me.

Lord, help me to not get in the way of your work.
God, remove from me the temptation to try to do your work for you.
Jesus, take away my belief that I could do your work.
you are everything. Apart from you I am nothing. Let me not be fooled by pride into thinking I am significant in myself.

If there is one thing I've learned in youth work, its that I DONT HAVE THE ANSWERS... but I do know the one who has all the answers. So to those who are not open to talking with him directly, I simply tell them his words of wisdom. To those who are open to Jesus, I simply introduce them to him so they can hear from him themselves.

Lord, may your love radiate from your church into the world being a light that glorifies you.
God, you kingdom come, your will be done.
Jesus, use me how you see fit.

Jumping in feet first

this is mike getting baptized at derby reach a few weeks ago by my two co workers Danny and Derian.

picking up the phone

I hear my phone ring. I look at the clock. Its just past 9. Its my supervisor calling. He would only call me this late if it was important. I hate talking on the phone. He knows this. It must be important. I debate as the phone rings again whether or not i should answer.
"Hello."
"Hey Carmen..."
and so tonight's adventure began. We drove out together to go and pick up a teen who was at the hospital. We drove them home, stopping for tim hortons on the way, the kid hadn't eaten that day yet.
On the way back home my supervisor and I talked about how we are the same in the way that our passion for what we do sometimes gets in the way of our work ethic. In other words, we both have the tendency to sprint and then burn out, sprint then burn out, and so on. We prayed for help. Tonight answering the phone, then going out was the best decision, but there have been other nights when I should have stayed home and gotten some much needed rest.
Answering the phone can be on of the most consistent tough choices I have to make in this work. To answer, or not to answer, that is the question. When a kid calls, and they are upset about something at 1am, do I talk it out for 2 hours or ask them if we can talk about it in the morning? Depends on what the crisis is. Its hard to make that judgment call in the moment. I'm learning, because I want to be around for these kids for the long term.

caramel apple spice

I sat there with tears welling up and spilling over, hot drink burning my hand because I had forgotten it was there. I turned slightly to the side as I wiped the single tear from my eye, that's when I noticed the Starbucks employee watching us. He was on his break, I wondered how much he understood about what was going on.
I am a youth worker. Last week candice (not actual name) asked to go for coffee. This girl reminded me why I do what I do. She told me of a great darkness that had happened in her past. She wanted to tell me about it because she wants to be loved and approved of in honesty.
All of us feel the need to be loved, and loved fully, for who we fully are, in truth, in honesty.
I hold so much love for this young girl, and so much anger and sadness for the oppressors of her innocence in her past that still hold a bit of her present. Jesus told us that we are to love others. Its so important to him. Candice, if you are reading this, you are easy to love. Starbucks guy, if you are reading this, sorry if i made you awkward and the caramel apple spice was delicious.