Triage

Today I heard Youth work be compared to triage. That really resonated with me. There are so many hurting people in the world who need the love of Christ and there are only so many hours in a day. I posted about this a couple years ago (see "A Day In The Life" post) and it still rings true today. Last week I had to decide if I should stay in the coffee shop with one teen who was going through a really hard time generally in life, or leave immediately and go help the girl who just texted me saying her mom had hit her. Both hurting, both in need of love. I make these choices of who gets my attention on a daily basis. I try to be everywhere for everyone and am always falling short of others expectations. Those girls I spend time with me regularly know that if they want to go for coffee with me and it's not an immediate emergency of some kind, that I will book them a time about one or two weeks in the future. Then I go to some conference somewhere and some guy on stage tells me to remember to come home with enough emotional space left to be a good spouse. Plus there are friends that I would like to see and family. Yup, it's triage. I have been in the past and still am at fault for not giving enough time to my friends and family because I'm dealing with crisis after crisis. So they get bumped down the triage list to somewhere at the bottom over and over again. They have been so very good to me! So understanding! Thank you everyone.

Having been working in the triage type method for the past 4 years however has taught me somethings. My definition of what an emergency is has changed dramatically. I used to think that if someone was crying it was an emergency and I needed to drop whatever I was doing and attend to them. Now however, if someone says it's an emergency they had better be bleeding or considering making themselves bleed seriously. THAT I consider it to be an emergency. And in the case of that sort of emergency I should not be the one called. Emergency personnel such as the RCMP or the paramedics should be called anyways.
The other thing I have learned is that there are very few things that must be talked about at 3am that can not be talked about at 9am the next day. Along with that things are usually better talked about at 9am then at 3am anyways.
So my triage methods have changed, and consequently I find myself with much more time for my husband, friends, and family. I could say that I wished people would have told me this years ago....but they did. I just had to learn it for myself.

The Tears Say it All

In a week of trying to calm down teens who think they are pregnant, talking to the Ministry concerning an abusive home situation, and generally feeling overwhelmed by the needs of the teens around me I did experience one light of encouragement this week. I was sitting in a coffee shop (surprise surprise) with one teen that is especially dear to my heart. We were talking about some tough things in her life and I mentioned that I wish I were a therapist or a councillor so that I could help her along the road to healing. As I am not a councillor I can only take her so far before I am over my head. I'm a youth worker. I can walk with kids, but I can't provide them with concealing services when they need them. I can refer them to councillors and be a support to them while they go, but that's it. The girl spoke up and said "But you are better then a therapist because...because..." and then she started to tear up. Her emotion spoke deeply to my heart. In that moment I caught a glimpse of how significant of a role I play in this teen's life. I was touched and honoured and I thanked her. Then we went back to talking about silly things like what vehicle you would like to be if you were one, and dissecting the plot of a movie that just came out. In the face of overwhelming need and constantly feeling like whatever I do is not enough, it's good to hold these moments close and be warmed and refreshed by them. I do make a difference. I do have importance. I can keep going. And I would be a mini-cooper or a red bike with a basket and a bell, just in case you were wondering. :)

give me my innocent suicidal kids

I was driving home after a very very long day of work. I was in a new place, with new kids that day. These kids made me think that I had never really met a real at-risk kid before in my life. There had been an incident where I witnessed some disturbing domestic violence. The RCMP were involved and I went home feeling sickened by the whole incident. Many of the teens I work with have experienced abuse. Physical, sexual, emotional, and every other kind you can think of. I've sat there in Starbucks hearing their stories, feeling empathy for them, helping them along the path to healing, but I've never had to watch it happen before. As you can imagine this was difficult for me. Please don't be concerned for me. These things are supposed to be difficult.

The day I become numb to these stories is the day I quit being a youth worker.

The difference between these kids I met that day and the kids I usually work with is that my kids take their pain out on themselves. They cut themselves, they try to kill themselves, they don't eat and don't sleep. They are depressed and suffer from anxiety. But they've never stabbed anyone. They haven't done jail time. These new kids are suffering the same pain. But instead of taking it out on themselves like I'm used to....they take it out on anyone who gets in their way. When I got home and debriefed my day with my husband I said "Just give me my innocent, suicidal, depressed kids! They are easy to handle." We both listened to the echo of what I just said in our heads, and started to laugh. I went for a run, showered off the day, wrote up a critical incident report, and by then the feeling of God's hope had replaced the feeling of sickness. God is good. It is well with my soul. I'm going back tomorrow.

Taco Bell

There is a commercial I saw the other day that starts with a man looking intently into the camera and demanding more of life, not satisfied with the status quo, wanting more then what the world has previously offered, and this man was willing to do something about it. Then he orders a taco at Taco Bell. It made me laugh, but it also made me very very sad. I see this exact mentality all over. In the news there are riots for no particular reason, on the streets there are kids getting into trouble, in the smoke pit at the high school they are telling stories of rebellion from the weekend before. This generation is feeling restless. They want something to fight for because they are....bored. Rebels without a cause. I have good news! I have a cause you can fight for! For peace and justice in this world. Fight for love and equality! Fight for safe streets! Fight for our elderly that are being forgotten! Fight for the unfortunate! "Defend the cause of the weak and the Fatherless, maintain the rights of the poor and the opressed, rescue the week and the needy and deliver them from the hand of the wicked."Psalms 82:3 We were never meant to stay idle. We were not made to live without work or war. But let us choose carefully what we war against. Injustice? Or burgers?

except me

I've heard all of the following statements in the past month. I live in this constant state of not-counting. I find it kinda funny.
"I hate christians. Well, except you Carmen."
"I have nobody to talk to. Except you."
"Nobody really understand me, except you Carmen."
"Expect for you, I don't have any friends. And it's your job to hang out with me."
"The whole world is made up of selfish morons, well, except for you of course."
"Nobody cares about me." I give them a look. "Ok, well except for you."
"She asked me to keep all that a secret, and I have. I haven't told a soul." I think to myself, huh, apparently I don't have a soul.

closet christian

One of my girls who has given me a lot of joy in the past few months, as she has allowed me a front row seat to her walk with God, had something very profound to say. I had just asked her what her relationship with God looked like right then, and she said, "You know those shoes you have that are really special? They make you feel amazing when you wear them, and when you have a bad day you go home and put them on and wear them around the living room? Or it can turn a bad morning into a good day when you decide to wear them out and about even though they are way to fancy for the occasion? When you put them on, they make you feel great, then you put them lovingly away in your closet. You shut the door and they stay in there until you need them again. Every once in a while you open up your closet and look at them, smile, and then shut the door again. That's what my relationship with God is right now." When I asked her what she wanted her relationship with God to look like, she said "I want to wear those shoes everyday everywhere!"
What a great answer. This answer coming from a little baby newborn christian can challenge the rest of us old farts. Let's all wear our "God-shoes" proudly!

I keep a rock in my purse

I keep a rock in my purse to remind me that people heal.
Back in October I sat on a beach with a young person I care for very much. She was very upset and with good reason. Life deals a different set of cards to everyone, but this girl got bombs instead of cards. Or something like that. We talked and cried together that day on the beach and continued to do that for months but in coffee shops as the weather had turned to.. well, winter. During spring break the two of us took advantage of the returning good weather and went back to that same beach. This time there was a beautiful rainbow and this girl was smiling and saying things like "I'm happy now." It was wonderful. As we sat there throwing rocks into the river I marvelled at the contrast from the last time we were there. People get better. People are resilient.
So I keep a rock in my purse to remind me during those long winter days, that the rainbow will come.