Today a Loaf of Bread Almost Made Me Cry

Today I went to go speak at Regent Christian Academy in Surrey. My connection with that place is a few friends of mine who worked at the same camp (Anvil Island) as me this past summer. One of those friends introduced me to the crowd. He did the usual thing of telling who I am and what I do and who I'm married to and all that. But then he did something very very special. He gave me a loaf of Moreno's garlic swiss bread.

This is my favourite bread.

He said "Carmen we got this for you because last summer in one of your sermons you talked about being the aroma of Christ in the world, and you used Moreno's bread as your example. So we thought of you, and thought we should get you some of that bread that you went on and on about."

I was touched.

They remembered! Today I was greatly encouraged by this gift of a loaf of bread because these camp friends not only remembered my object lesson for one of my messages, but they actually remembered the lesson!

Most of the time I think that the words I preach go in one ear and out the other....and today these wonderful, beautiful people went all the way to the bakery to prove to me otherwise.

Thank you friends.

A Dream, A Call

Last night I had a dream. And I’ve been singing ever since. Not a happy song. No. (And that’s odd for me.) It’s a deep song. A song that wells up from the deepest part of me and leaks out in non-rhyming verses with unsteady rhythm while I’m alone.

I was in a field. A field full of young people. Hundreds, if not thousands. There were adults there too. Caring adults. Youth leaders, parents, youth workers...etc. We were all wandering aimlessly around in this field, seemingly waiting for something to begin. 

Then they dissapeared.

The youth. 

They vanished. They dissolved really. I knew, in the way that you can only know things in dreams, that they had vanished into death. Us caring adults were left in an empty field, grieving for the lost young people. 

But it didn’t stop there.

We began to sing. Us caring adults. It started slow and deep, just a few voices. Then more and more voices joined in, and as we sang the song grew stronger. There was an electricity in the air. The song rose in a loud clamor towards God in heaven. “Have mercy! Jesus Christ! Have mercy on us!” We cried in unison. 

And then the ground began to rumble. In one little patch. The earth began to pulse. And front of our eyes, to the sound of desperate singing, she arose from the earth. She. Back from the dead. Still with the dust shaking off of her, confused innocence in her eyes, still with the breath of God in her lungs...she lived.

She was only the first. The ground rumbled, and the song changed to a song of victory as all the young people were returned to us. 

Ezekiel 37:4-10 “Then he said to me, “Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord. Thus says the Lord God to these bones; Behold I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live.”.... SO I prophesied as I was commanded and as I prophesied there was s sound, and behold a rattling. and the bones came together, bone to its bone. And I looked, and behold, there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them. But there was no breath in them. Then he said to me “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, Thus says the Lord God; Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live. So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived and stood on their feet, an exceedingly great army.”

If this story stirs your heart to pray, then pray. Please join me in a time of intercession for the youth of our city.

Is Life Just Hard?

Ok. So here's the deal. Last week I was at a ladies conference and it was excellent. As part of the weekend we listened to a panel of ladies who have overcome much. Loss. Divorce. Death. Mental illness, and all the nice things like anxiety and shame that go along like a side dish to the already full plate of struggle for these poor women. They were inspiring as they told their powerful stories of how they fought through it with God's help. I went away with one question.

Is life just hard?

I work with at-risk kids and their families so I understand that my view of the world may be effected by that perspective. I'm surrounded by hurting people all day and then go home and put on the news and hear stories that make me scared to be at home alone. So I have begun to wonder if this is all life is. Inevitable suffering.

Don't get me wrong.

I know that life has awesome things to offer. I have lots of amazing things and my life is filled with so much joy every day. I'm not sad here...I'm just wondering if one day I will have to suffer. Like it's inevitable. I'm followed by this terrible feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. This joy can't last. I'm willing to admit that I may be wrong. I hope for it actually. Hence this little blog post. I'm taking an in-formal survey. If you are over 30 years old and have not suffered much, let me know. I want to hear about it. Does everyone who lives on this planet have to under go some great trial? Or are there a lucky few who escape and lead trauma-free lives? If this describes you. Let me know. I will write a follow up to this post based on the responses I get. Until then!

Grown to Last Fail

"Grown to last Guarantee my foot!" ya...I can kill anything. These 4 inch roses that claimed to be able to last for a minimum of 4 weeks died a slow painful death in my office in 3. I didn't ignore them either. I watered them faithfully. Can you over-water plants? huh, shows how much I know. The good news is I feel no compassion for these plants. I don't give a rip about them or their feelings. The reason for me being upset is only because they lied to me. Stupid lying roses. It's harder to take when people do this. Wither away in front of you. As a youth worker I spend my time caring for people. I buy them coffee, listen to them, comfort them, encourage them. Lots of times this has a good result in happier healthier people. Sometimes it doesn't. So how does a youth worker deal with failure like that?

It's all about success.

How you define it, I mean. 1john 4:19 says "We love because He (meaning God) first loved us." Note that this passage doesn't say "We love so that people get better." Or "We love so that the world changes." No. No. No. There is no "so that". There is only a "because of". If you change your idea of what success is to being "Did I love because Christ first loved me today?" instead of "Did that person change?" you will be over all more encouraged and successful. This will allow yourself to grow and thrive! If you work with people and feel yourself withering away right along side those that you care for, remember why you care. Remember your purpose. And then get right back out there in the spirit of Because Of.

An Explanation of The Cross of Jesus, The One Called Christ

I read of a God of justice. A God who looks at this broken world full of pain and hurt and wrong doing, and He grieves. He weeps and the Holy Spirit intercedes with deep groaning for us. Then this grieving God takes action and punishes the wicked and cruel. He repairs the brokenness of the world with fire. He is like a potter putting unfinished clay vessels into the furnace, or like a metalsmith refining gold with fire. There is suffering, there is justice. Recompense for evil actions taken by evil people. Whole countries getting what they deserve. A God of justice bringing justice.

I read of a God of love. A God who made people in His image and loves them with a depth that none can imagine. A God who looks at this world and smiles at what he sees. He rejoices and delights in the people He has made. Then this joy filled God takes action and provides adventure and fun and beauty for his people to enjoy. He is like a Father playing in the back yard with His children, or like a big brother who teaches his siblings the joys of bike riding and catching butterflies. There is joy, there is love. Love that knows no bounds pours out over the entire world in sunshine and song and dance. A loved people being lavished on by a God of love. A God of love being loving.

I read that this God of justice and this God of love are one in the same. A heart ripped in two by a need to see justice done, and love for those whom justice would punish. How are these two attributes of God reconciled? At the cross. The place where Jesus willingly died for the sake of the people who he loved. Where the justice of God came down, but came down on the one head that didn’t deserve it. Jesus, the one called Christ, took on his body and soul the punishment for a world filled with injustice. In doing this He freed the beloved people from their deserved punishment so that they might enjoy the beauty that they were created to live in for eternity.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He sent His one and only Son, that none should parish, but all could have eternal life.”

Why am I still surprised?

2 chronicles 7:14 “If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked says, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” A prayer made in humility is a prayer quickly answered by God. For “He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (Proverbs 3:34) This is the lesson I learned yet again this week. I woke up on Sunday morning, in my Grandparents house, anxious. I was staying there because that day I was going to Saltspring Island to speak at my home church there. Waking up at 5am because of nervousness I rolled over and fell back asleep. That’s when the dreams started. I dreamt that the support for my ministry with Youth Unlimited dried up. Everyone stopped giving. I was left doing this work alone. So I was forced to return to work as a waitress. (Shudder.) I thought that I was done with that purgatory in my life. I woke up again when my alarm went off and this time I was anxious about two things. About speaking that morning, and about my financial situation. See the thing is that my dream wasn’t unfounded. I have had a growing concern about my fundraising account for the past 6 months or so as my expenses have increased and the inflow of giving hasn’t. With all of this bouncing around my head I cried out to Jesus saying “God, I have a job to do today. I have a message to deliver that I believe you have given me for this church today. I can’t have this anxiety distracting me from what I came here to do. So please take it from me. And ps- please bring in more money. Amen.” I went to the Island, delivered my message and it was very well received. I had only been back at my grandparents house for a few hours that afternoon when my Uncle handed me a check increasing their support of our ministry. WOW. Talk about immediate answer to prayer! And get this... my Uncle said to me. “Ya, I’ve been planning on sending this in for a while now, I just haven’t gotten around to it. So I figured I could just give it to you and you can take it in to head office yourself.” WOW again. Dear Uncle I know exactly why you “never got around” to it earlier. Because you were intended by an all-knowing God to hand it to me that day, to glorify Him. To show that He is powerful. To show that He knows all of our concerns and is willing and able to help. Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

The Wolves Inside

Most of the time as a youth worker I feel that my teenagers never listen to a word I say. So I was pleasantly surprised last week when, in the middle of our conversation, one of my teens explained to me how she made a decision recently; "Well I was just thinking about what you said that one time..about the wolves inside us..." Huh, no kidding. That's awesome! She was remembering a story that I had told her a while back when we were talking about giving our lives to Jesus one day at a time, one piece of our hearts at a time. It's a great little story, so I thought I would share it here as well.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."