to be a lady

Yesterday I asked a room full of teen girls what it means to be treated like a lady in today's world. The general answer... "I have no idea, I've never experienced it before." Out of the group there was only one girl who thought that her dad treated her like a lady. When encouraged to think about what a gentleman treating a lady like a lady would look like, they didn't get anywhere past opening doors for girls and walking old ladies across the street. This seems deeply wrong to me.
I recently read the book "To kill a mockingbird". It took place over a hundred years ago in the southern States. It was an age in which ladies wore dresses and big hats. It was illegal to swear in the presence of a lady. Yes, I said illegal. Women were considered precious flowers that were delicate and needed to be spoken softly to. The men would edit the stories they told the ladies lest the violence of the stories cause them to faint. Fragile creatures indeed. The men protected the ladies from the evils of the world. And evil there was. The slaves were freed by law, but racism was still in full force. There was the same violence and cruel evils then that exist today.
I must admit, sometimes when I'm eating my cereal in the morning while watching the morning news I daydream about pouffy dresses and hats. What if the total sum of my existence was to simply be graceful? I could sew and garden, and "tend the children". I would bake and make sweet tea. And oh, the glorious hats I would have! My great grandma used to tell me stories of going to grand balls in victoria, of the "suiters" who would ask her to dance while their fathers discussed politics by the crystal punch bowl. Do you know what though? She told me about sneaking out of the ball, replacing her fancy shoes for bare feet, and playing at the ocean with her friend! She had on one instance beaten a fish with a stick until it was dead, and then proudly brought it home! Not so fragile a flower after all.
I want to be the kind of lady who will go out dancing at a ball with her husband, and then go shoot something! My female heroes are woman like Eleanor Roosevelt, who said "I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on. Life was meant to be lived." Mother Thereasa, Amelia Earheart and Rosa Parks. Women, ladies, who lived great lives, who changed the world, but not as a man. As a woman.
Ladies are strong, and to be treated with honour. That means more then opening doors for them. It means treating them with respect and honour. That's what it means to be treated like a lady. Also, a true lady is a woman who deserves to be treated with honour and respect because she is both respectable and honourable!

the passion

It's excitement, dedication, devotion, ardor, and fervour. It's Spirit, zeal and fire. It's what drives me. Where did it come from? It was planted inside of me and grew. The seed was deposited one night in 2006 when I met a young girl who confided in me. She told me about her suicide attempts and her inner pain. God planted a seed of compassion and anger at injustice in my heart so deep that my heart broke. As my heart healed that passion for justice and compassion, the desire to see the lost ones saved, to help the orphans and destitute, to see hope given to the hopeless became apart of me.
My dream is too big, and I am too small to do this on my own. I would be swallowed up, overwhelmed and overcome by the hopelessness of it all. God is the one who planted this dream in my heart, and he is the one who helps me to do it. The image that comes to mind is of Lucy from the Chronicles of Narnia. There is a scene in the movie Prince Caspian when little Lucy is at one end of a bridge and an army on the other end. She holds out her little dagger and stands her ground against hundreds of men in armour. The army turns back. Why? Aslan, the great Lion, the creator of Narnia is standing behind her.
That's how I feel everyday. I stand my ground, I hold out the miniature skills and wisdom that I have, and I have seen armies tremble.
My God is great, "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." -The bible (Philippians 4:13)

and so it continues...

2010 was a year of highs and lows like any other year. The lows mostly looked like moments of silence while sitting on a beach, in a coffee shop, or in my living room during a heavy moment of unspeakable sorrow. These teens that I love come to me and share their hurt and pain, and I feel it with them. I feel it to the depths of my soul. I hate slushies now. One evening I sat drinking a "recovery slushie" with a teen who had faced unspeakable pain and somehow was still alive. That was a low. Another low was hearing the words "where do I belong?" come from the mouth of a teen with immense amounts of emotion and hidden pain behind them. It took two Starbucks napkins to soak up her tears. Another low was saying goodbye to a precious teen who was suddenly moving across the country.
There were high points too though. I sat in Starbucks across from a teen I have walked with closely with this past year. I said "Ok, So February 6th we will baptize you in the river." Her eyes welled up with tears and she fanned her flushed face as the tears began to drop quickly down her cheeks. She smiled at me and said "These are happy tears, I feel like I just set the date for me wedding." I smiled so big that I've been smiling ever since. I smiled like that at a fundraiser when one teenager sang a song beautifully and I watched as her mom watched her daughter sing and was proud. That was a sacred moment. I have so enjoyed having a front row seat to one teen's life as she has been discovering herself and life and been cautiously and timidly letting God into her life.
Those conversations, those moments light up my heart with so much joy I'm afraid I will explode over some poor random Starbucks barista who made the unfortunate mistake to ask me how my day is going.
That was 2010, and 2011 will be a continuation. We are only on day three and already I've experienced high's a lows!

people-ed out

I spent the last week on Toronto at the Canadian Youth Workers Convention. You know that awkward moment when someone approaches you with a big smile and says "Hey, long time no see!" and you have no idea who they are, what there name is, or where you know them from? Ya, that happened to me about 20 times that week. No joke.
I love being around people, and its the conversations with people who are passionate about youth that I value the most about these sorts of conventions. I spent a significant amount of time in such conversations. I was not alone from wednesday at 9am, until saturday at 2pm. I was constantly surrounded by people, in conversation for days! I was even rooming with my mentor from Abbotsford and a youth worker friend of mine from Alberta. I was never alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm a people person. I love people! I'm an extrovert who loves socializing!
I got home and wanted nothing more then to spend a day alone. There was a death in the family so I was pulled out of my cave of self inflicted solitude and spent the day with my husband's family. Then I woke up today. I was done with being around people. So very done. I'm a people person! This has never happened to me before! It was strange and bad feeling.
My monthly expenses were due so I had to fill out some forms, drive to my boss's house, get his signature and go to the head office. When I got there my boss pointed out that I had done it wrong. I went back home, redid the forms, and on my way back out I backed into a pole with my car. It was not my best day.
I got home after being at the office and sat down to write thank you cards to some new supporters. I was not in a good mood. That's when I learned the best remedy for a bad mood. I'll share it with you... Thankfulness. It's incredible stuff! Thanking my supporters for their support reminded me of what I do and why. By the end I was refilled with passion and itching to get out the door and catch up with the teens I love so much! So much for being people-ed out!
So thank you to all my supporters! You don't just enable me to do this work financially, but also emotionally.

I am a Starbucks slogan

During the holidays Starbucks uses fancy Christmas cups that have neat little sayings on them. Comforting, Christmassy things to say like "Today I talked with a stranger over coffee for an hour, they aren't a stranger anymore." And "I lost a friend a while ago, today I found her again over coffee." Those sorts of things. Last week I was there drinking my tea with some of my friends. They started reading off the sayings on their cups. At the end one of them looked at me and said "Funny, I think I've heard Carmen say all of these sentences at one point or another." We all laughed.
The thing is, today I was in Starbucks talking with a friend and a stranger came and sat beside us and entered our conversation. We talked for two hours. It was fascinating. So yes, I did talk to a stranger over coffee for an hour, we aren't strangers anymore.

you may be a youth worker if...

You may be a youth worker if you go home after work and google "paroxetine".

You may be a youth worker if you know all the names of the barista's at your local coffee shop.

You may be a youth worker if you know all the words to a Justin Beiber song.

You may be a youth worker if the sound of your cell ringing gives you a nervous twitch.

You may be a youth worker if you get hand cramps from too much texting.

You may be a youth worker if you spot self injury scars from 20 paces.

You may be a youth worker if you depend on your support team to keep you encouraged.

You may be a youth worker if the words "how does that make you feel" come out of your mouth at least three times a day.

You may be a youth worker if you know 3 different names for Marijuana.

You may be a youth worker if you get into conversations about parenting regularly with strangers in line at the store.

You may be a youth worker if crying in public no longer makes you uncomfortable.

You may be a youth worker if a question you asked made someone cry in public today.

You may be a youth worker if vacation just means you talk to teens in Hawaii for a week.

I see you

It's struck me this week that my life is having more impact on people then I realize. And that's saying something, because it's my JOB to impact people's lives in a positive way! A someone shared something with me the other day that really opened my eyes to this. They told me that me noticing them when nobody else did is the reason they are here today.
Today I got to sit on a couch and listen to one of my teens play a song on the piano that she wrote herself. (She also taught herself how to play the piano in the first place!) After she finished playing I told her that I saw a story in her song. A story that's filled with imperfection. I told her that I think it's her story told in a song and that I thought it was beautiful but that it sounded unfinished. Or like that was just the soundtrack to the first act, and that there would be more to come. She really is incredible and I can't wait to hear the rest of her song once it gets written. We got on the subject of seeing people. Really seeing them. "Remember in the movie Avatar? How the indigenous people there had the expression 'I see you' but it meant something really deep? Like they truly see and understand that person. In your song today I see you. It's powerful to see people. We live in a world where we are constantly anonymous." We had a great conversation about the power of "seeing" people.
Talking about it reminded me of that conversation I had earlier. The reason why that girl was so impacted was because I saw her. I noticed her. And that's why she is here today.
I challenge everyone who reads this to take the time today to truly see someone.