Self-Injury Resources

This post is a follow up for those who attended my breakout session at History Maker yesterday on the subject of self-harm and requested more resources. Workshop The Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute puts on an excellent 2 day workshop on this subject. I highly recommend this for any leader who is working with young people. This workshops covers a lot of material, everything from what is self harm, to how to identify, to how to react to it, to how to counsel a youth through it, how to talk to the youth's parents about it, bah blah blah. I found this extremely helpful. Here is the link to their website. http://www.ctrinstitute.com/wkdescrip.html#selfinjury Their workshops travel across most major canadian cities, and come to vancouver every few months. Books Here are some books that I have heard good things about... Healing the hurt within; Understand self-injury and heal the emotional wounds; Sutton,J. Hope and Healing for Kids who Cut; Penner, M. Stopping the pain; A workbook for teens who cut and self-injure; Shapiro, L.E Websites to check out You will remember my t-shirt? www.twloha.com I've found that youth can easily identify with the story behind this movement, and being that they use words like "movement" it's exciting for the youth to jump on board. S.A.F.E (Self-Abuse Finally Ends) has a website; www.selfinjury.com I love their philosophy, you can read about it in the "about us" page. Also their resource page is loaded with good recommendations. Phone 1-800-DONTCUT End Note Warning Against Forums: I don't recommend kids going onto online forums and talking about self-harm in forums. In my experience it only triggers them with the urge to self harm themselves and teaches them to do it better and how to keep it secret longer. That's why I like TWLOHA because they can feel the support of not being alone, while not hearing stories that will give them the desire to self-harm. Having said that there are many forums online for kids to get plugged into. If a kid is going to do this anyway it's important that they plug into a positive forum focused on health and help. www.dailystrength.org is an ok one. It's self policing. There is also www.recoveryourlife.com, which I think is a better website for the positive feel to it. I hope this helps as you walk with youth through this journey of self-harm recovery. Blessings!

Basic Truth Packs a Punch

I was sitting in my in-laws kitchen working away on my upcoming workshops when I stumbled upon this quote;

"Someone once asked me, 'Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?' I replied, 'Why do you assume I see two roads?'"

This simple question and answer packs a powerful punch of reality. I often can become impatient with my teens when they make the same mistake over and over again. I wonder why they would choose to do that dumb thing again. Then I sit with them and tell them something really simple. Something so simple that I feel stupid saying it. It's such basic knowledge that I feel like I'm insulting their intelligence by voicing it.

"There is another way."

That's all. That's it. So simple, and so basic, but that little bit of truth has changed lives in front of my eyes week in and week out. I remember my driving instructor telling me something once; "A fish is the last one to discover water." Basically saying that when you are completely surrounded by something it's hard to see it. I guess that's what mentors are for. It's also what prayer is for. For opening our eyes to see things that are often right in front of us. So what is today's lesson? Be patient and speak truth kindly.

Row away from the Rocks

Call on God, but row away from the rocks. ~Indian Proverb This made me laugh right out loud. There are so many conversations that I look back on now and wish I had had these words of wisdom to share. You see, I have found that we people love to be in control, unless it means we have to do anything. In that case we are all to eager about God having the control and blaming him when bad things happen due to our own actions. Of course it's only in looking back that we can see our hypocrisy. In the moment we are upset and confused and angry. We cry out to God to fix something that is in our arms reach to fix ourselves. "Dear God, make me stop doing drugs and sleeping around. Amen." "Dear child, stop doing drugs and sleeping around. Love God." You know what I mean here? Now don't get me wrong. Prayer is incredibly powerful. And beautiful. I love prayer. I don't know how I would live without those times of communing with God. And yet, I must take responsibility for my own actions. So let's not do one or the other. I've always been a fan of choosing option C, all of the above. When problems arise and you find yourself heading for a path of bad things, come to God and ask for his help, and then change your path.

Resonance

“FREEDOM!!!” WIlliam Wallace shouts out at the top of his lungs with his last breath in the climax scene in Braveheart. I sit on the couch, clutching my blanket, tears in my eyes, and my heart is moved.
There are some words that just have to be shouted.

Surfing. By Accident. Yay Me?

But by the grace of God go I


I had been out on that stupid surfboard for what seemed like hours. I was prune-y and frustrated. I hate being frustrated. I hadn’t caught a single wave. Not one stupid wave. All the people around me had caught them and then paddled back out with what I imagined were smug little smiles of satisfaction at being able to do what I could not. I was done. I started paddling back to shore with a sour frown on my face. Corey caught me half way there. “What are you doing?” he asked. “I’m going in! I hate this stupid board! I can’t do it, I’m done. I give up. It’s a waste of money me being here! I’m going to go and give this to someone who can actually use it and have fun! Blaargaaahhh!”
(Blaargaaahhh may not be the actually spelling, insert general noise of frustration here.)
In wisdom brought on by nearly three years of marriage Corey let me go without trying to encourage me to keep going. I continued my grumpy paddle towards the shore, with strength brought on by impatience. A wave came up from no where (directly behind me) and picked me and my board up and carried us along. “Huh. I caught a wave. I guess I should stand up.” So I stood up and voila! I was surfing. By accident. Yay me. I laughed my head off as I surfed along, which eventually tossed me off my board. I had a huge smile on my face as I humbly pulled up onto the shore, very aware of my short comings and God’s sense of humor.
This experience has served me as a reminder that it is but for the grace of God that I can do anything. I have come home from my holiday ready to jump back into my work with a humble attitude of “but for the grace of God go I.” I could try and try and try, and without God I have nothing. With Him I have Everything.

I Am Everyone Else

It was snowing outside. With keys in my hand I leaned over the receptionist's desk and told Shari, “You know how when it’s snowing people say “I’m comfortable with my driving, it’s everyone else on the road that scares me.” Well...” She laughs and completes my sentence with “You are the everyone else, eh?” I laugh along, but let out a nervous twitch as I watch those little white flakes of doom continue to fall from the sky. “It’s true. I’m the everyone else. I suck at driving in the snow, and so as a favor to the rest of humanity, I’m going home before this snow starts to stick.”
I am everyone else. That’s the phrase that stuck with me as I drove home, gripping the steering wheel with an iron grip, suspicious that it was about to develop a mind of its own and crash us into the nearest available solid object. I am everyone else. Hmmm...
It’s anti-bullying day today. Bullying is awful. It’s existed forever, this is no new problem, but it has transformed a bit. It’s expanded and developed to be a tech-savvy creature. The most recent incident I encountered with bullying was when one of my teens showed me a text messaging conversation she had had over the weekend. The content was unbelievable. Then she showed me the advertisement that bully had put up on craigslist. It had her picture, her name and phone number. This girl had to change her phone number because she was getting phone calls from “Johns” looking to buy sex. This is bullying.
There are three roles in the bullying scenario. The first is the victim. The second is the bully. The third, and most important role, is everyone else. If everyone who witnessed bullying in it’s different forms stood up and stopped it, bullies would have a much more difficult time. As you walk by the park and see three little boys being mean to a fourth kid, do you walk on and mind your own business? Yes you do. Of course you do. We all do. We are the everyone else. That’s our role.
This is a call out to Everyone Else. Let’s take our role more seriously. Get Involved. Be a nosey neighbor. (If everyone had nosey neighbors domestic abuse would be much less common, but that’s another rant for another snow day.) Refuse to stay silent and watch. At the mall, in Tim Hortons, on the side of the road where your car is stuck in a snow bank, wherever you are, Get Involved. Speak Up. I dare you.

you aren't as important as you think you are. The End.

This is a devotional I wrote for my church's 40 days of lent. I decided to share it with all of you too.

Mark 4:26-29

He also said, “this is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain-first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.”

News Flash: You aren’t as important as you think you are. The end.

Just kidding.

Seriously now, we all think we are so darn important. I was taught that since kindergarten. The message we hear over and over goes something like this, “You are special! Just like everyone else.” A survey I read recently said that teenagers have a huge sense of importance, and directly related to that, they have a huge sense of failure. The expectation that “you are special” puts tons of pressure on our shoulders to be important. That can be overwhelming!
Here in Mark 4 I hear Jesus telling me to relax. Because whether I’m up and about, or laying sick in bed, HE is out doing HIS work. It’s His kingdom to build, and He is. With me, or without me. Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an excuse to stay in bed and avoid going out there and getting your hands dirty. It’s an invitation to do exactly that! Jesus invites us to partake, to play a role in his Kingdom, but to remember that it’s just a role, and it’s His show.
The Holy Spirit is out there right now bringing the kingdom of God to earth in the hearts and minds of people everywhere....care to join Him?