Is Life Just Hard?

Ok. So here's the deal. Last week I was at a ladies conference and it was excellent. As part of the weekend we listened to a panel of ladies who have overcome much. Loss. Divorce. Death. Mental illness, and all the nice things like anxiety and shame that go along like a side dish to the already full plate of struggle for these poor women. They were inspiring as they told their powerful stories of how they fought through it with God's help. I went away with one question.

Is life just hard?

I work with at-risk kids and their families so I understand that my view of the world may be effected by that perspective. I'm surrounded by hurting people all day and then go home and put on the news and hear stories that make me scared to be at home alone. So I have begun to wonder if this is all life is. Inevitable suffering.

Don't get me wrong.

I know that life has awesome things to offer. I have lots of amazing things and my life is filled with so much joy every day. I'm not sad here...I'm just wondering if one day I will have to suffer. Like it's inevitable. I'm followed by this terrible feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. This joy can't last. I'm willing to admit that I may be wrong. I hope for it actually. Hence this little blog post. I'm taking an in-formal survey. If you are over 30 years old and have not suffered much, let me know. I want to hear about it. Does everyone who lives on this planet have to under go some great trial? Or are there a lucky few who escape and lead trauma-free lives? If this describes you. Let me know. I will write a follow up to this post based on the responses I get. Until then!

Grown to Last Fail

"Grown to last Guarantee my foot!" ya...I can kill anything. These 4 inch roses that claimed to be able to last for a minimum of 4 weeks died a slow painful death in my office in 3. I didn't ignore them either. I watered them faithfully. Can you over-water plants? huh, shows how much I know. The good news is I feel no compassion for these plants. I don't give a rip about them or their feelings. The reason for me being upset is only because they lied to me. Stupid lying roses. It's harder to take when people do this. Wither away in front of you. As a youth worker I spend my time caring for people. I buy them coffee, listen to them, comfort them, encourage them. Lots of times this has a good result in happier healthier people. Sometimes it doesn't. So how does a youth worker deal with failure like that?

It's all about success.

How you define it, I mean. 1john 4:19 says "We love because He (meaning God) first loved us." Note that this passage doesn't say "We love so that people get better." Or "We love so that the world changes." No. No. No. There is no "so that". There is only a "because of". If you change your idea of what success is to being "Did I love because Christ first loved me today?" instead of "Did that person change?" you will be over all more encouraged and successful. This will allow yourself to grow and thrive! If you work with people and feel yourself withering away right along side those that you care for, remember why you care. Remember your purpose. And then get right back out there in the spirit of Because Of.

An Explanation of The Cross of Jesus, The One Called Christ

I read of a God of justice. A God who looks at this broken world full of pain and hurt and wrong doing, and He grieves. He weeps and the Holy Spirit intercedes with deep groaning for us. Then this grieving God takes action and punishes the wicked and cruel. He repairs the brokenness of the world with fire. He is like a potter putting unfinished clay vessels into the furnace, or like a metalsmith refining gold with fire. There is suffering, there is justice. Recompense for evil actions taken by evil people. Whole countries getting what they deserve. A God of justice bringing justice.

I read of a God of love. A God who made people in His image and loves them with a depth that none can imagine. A God who looks at this world and smiles at what he sees. He rejoices and delights in the people He has made. Then this joy filled God takes action and provides adventure and fun and beauty for his people to enjoy. He is like a Father playing in the back yard with His children, or like a big brother who teaches his siblings the joys of bike riding and catching butterflies. There is joy, there is love. Love that knows no bounds pours out over the entire world in sunshine and song and dance. A loved people being lavished on by a God of love. A God of love being loving.

I read that this God of justice and this God of love are one in the same. A heart ripped in two by a need to see justice done, and love for those whom justice would punish. How are these two attributes of God reconciled? At the cross. The place where Jesus willingly died for the sake of the people who he loved. Where the justice of God came down, but came down on the one head that didn’t deserve it. Jesus, the one called Christ, took on his body and soul the punishment for a world filled with injustice. In doing this He freed the beloved people from their deserved punishment so that they might enjoy the beauty that they were created to live in for eternity.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He sent His one and only Son, that none should parish, but all could have eternal life.”

Why am I still surprised?

2 chronicles 7:14 “If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked says, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” A prayer made in humility is a prayer quickly answered by God. For “He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (Proverbs 3:34) This is the lesson I learned yet again this week. I woke up on Sunday morning, in my Grandparents house, anxious. I was staying there because that day I was going to Saltspring Island to speak at my home church there. Waking up at 5am because of nervousness I rolled over and fell back asleep. That’s when the dreams started. I dreamt that the support for my ministry with Youth Unlimited dried up. Everyone stopped giving. I was left doing this work alone. So I was forced to return to work as a waitress. (Shudder.) I thought that I was done with that purgatory in my life. I woke up again when my alarm went off and this time I was anxious about two things. About speaking that morning, and about my financial situation. See the thing is that my dream wasn’t unfounded. I have had a growing concern about my fundraising account for the past 6 months or so as my expenses have increased and the inflow of giving hasn’t. With all of this bouncing around my head I cried out to Jesus saying “God, I have a job to do today. I have a message to deliver that I believe you have given me for this church today. I can’t have this anxiety distracting me from what I came here to do. So please take it from me. And ps- please bring in more money. Amen.” I went to the Island, delivered my message and it was very well received. I had only been back at my grandparents house for a few hours that afternoon when my Uncle handed me a check increasing their support of our ministry. WOW. Talk about immediate answer to prayer! And get this... my Uncle said to me. “Ya, I’ve been planning on sending this in for a while now, I just haven’t gotten around to it. So I figured I could just give it to you and you can take it in to head office yourself.” WOW again. Dear Uncle I know exactly why you “never got around” to it earlier. Because you were intended by an all-knowing God to hand it to me that day, to glorify Him. To show that He is powerful. To show that He knows all of our concerns and is willing and able to help. Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

The Wolves Inside

Most of the time as a youth worker I feel that my teenagers never listen to a word I say. So I was pleasantly surprised last week when, in the middle of our conversation, one of my teens explained to me how she made a decision recently; "Well I was just thinking about what you said that one time..about the wolves inside us..." Huh, no kidding. That's awesome! She was remembering a story that I had told her a while back when we were talking about giving our lives to Jesus one day at a time, one piece of our hearts at a time. It's a great little story, so I thought I would share it here as well.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

12 Long Stemmed Roses, A Ring, and 10 Million Dollars

I heard this story today... There was a girl named Jen who was working at a YWAM base in Hawaii. At church one Sunday a visiting preacher was talking about blind Bart. A story about Jesus healing a blind man. In the story blind Bart calls out to Jesus, and Jesus turns and yells back "What do you want?" Bart says "I want to see." And Jesus heals him. Pretty awesome story. This preacher guy asked the church congregation on that Sunday morning, "What do you want?" This YWAM girl prayed in her head "Jesus, I want a dozen peach long stemmed roses, and a ring to put on my finger so I can look at it and remember that you love me." I can't remember if it was a few days or a few hours later, but nonetheless a flower shop van pulled up the the YWAM base. They man in the van went to the lady at the counter and said "Hey, we accidentally ordered way too many flowers. Could you use them here?" The lady at the counter was very excited to get 12 bunches of 12 dozen peach long stemmed roses. She had a key to Jen's room. The desk lady thought it would be nice to leave a bunch of the roses in Jen's room. So she put them on her dresser, and thought it would be funny to leave a note. So she left a note saying "To Jen. I love you. Signed, Jesus Christ." A few days later this same girl was out to dinner with a few of her supporters. They presented her with a little box. What was inside? A diamond ring that had been in their family for years and they had felt led to give to her.

wow

So here this girl was, with a diamond ring and 12 peach colored long-stemmed roses with a note from GOD. So what did Carmen learn from this story? I looked towards heaven, and with all sincerity I prayed "Jesus, I want a dozen peach long stemmed roses, a diamond ring, and 10 million dollars for my ministry. Amen." As I kept talking to God I realized that my prayer was a bit irresponsible. If I continue to do this work with Youth Unlimited for the next 45 years I will not have used up 10 million dollars. So I thought about how long I knew I will be here for. I only see life one step at a time, and I can only be sure that I will be here for another year. So what money could I use in my ministry in the next year? 10 thousand. That would do. So I changed my prayer to wanting 10 thousand dollars to be donated. I am writing this out so that you can journey with me as this story continues to unfold! Stay tuned to hear something like "I just got an anonymous check for..." or "wow can you believe I found a lottery ticket on the ground and..." or "I was caught in a flash mob and ten thousand people just walked up to me and gave me a dollar!" I don't know how God is going to do it. But I'm confident and silly enough to believe that the God who gives a girl in Hawaii flowers and a ring with a note will give me enough money to make all my dreams for this ministry come true in the next year. Alonzy Alonzo!

Turtle on a Fence Post

If you've ever seen a turtle on a fence post you know that it didn't get there on it's own.

I am that turtle.

Figuratively, duh. In the past year I have done many big, scary, fancy things that are way too big, too scary, and too fancy for little old me. Or I should say "little young me". I did not go looking for these things, I did not crawl there myself. I was invited. There have been many people in my life who have opened doors for me, taken risks on me, given me freedom, vouched for me, and taken me under their wings. That's not even to mention the rest of you who have supported me both in faithful and passionate prayers, and those who have given, even given sacrificially, so that I can keep on keep'n on. This is for you.

Thank You.

I have a special place in my heart for you all. I do not take your giving, risking, and effort for granted. I strive to be a good steward of what I have been given. It's actually apart of my prayers that I pray every night with Corey. "God, help us to be good stewards of what you have given us. Help us choose the best paths with wisdom." I thank God for all of you today. I would not be here if it weren't for you. Bless you.