Wednesday, September 15, 2010

loss and moving on

Loss is everywhere. Loss of relationships. Loss of jobs. Loss of security. Loss of anything that we feel is important throws us into grief. Grief isn't just for death. We can grieve for the loss of our virginity. We can grief for that raise we didn't get. We can grieve for that friend who is no longer talking to us.
Grief is an inevitable part of life.
There are different degrees of grief obviously. I would be thrown deep into the sorrow of grief if something were to happen to my husband. I would grieve much less for the plant that I watered every day and it died anyways. However it is all still grief.
How you deal with these lesser instances of grief will both prepare you and warn you about how you will handle larger grief.
Grief is a series of stages such as shock, expressing emotion, feeling alone and depressed, guilt... there are 10 of them. The point is that they are gates to walk through. When you get stuck and refuse to move forward you can get into lots of trouble.
I had a room mate once who called me in a panic crying one day when I was in a meeting. I left the meeting and rushed home. I found her on her bathroom floor sobbing. Why? She had spilled her leg wax wax on the floor.
That would be an example of unhealthy grief. Getting stuck in the depression and expressing emotion stage and not moving on to anger and then eventually hope and entering the flow and routine of life again.

So please. Grieve. Express your emotions, understand anger, go to God with your guilt, and move on. That last one is key. If you are grieving, or if you know someone who is grieving, Do not baby them. Let them continue with the routine of life. The longer you stay away from work, the longer you have other people make your meals and do your laundry, the longer you will stay in the depression stage of grief.

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